Apr 20, 20228 min read

What’s Wrong With Me?

Salinda Therik ©

I am pretty sure that everyone addresses that question to themselves. But the question is, what caused you to feel and think that there’s something wrong with you? Each of us might experience a pleasant or unpleasant situation, but have you ever thought that actually you can control the way you react and respond to the situation?

What we should identify in the first place is the root of the problem or cause of the situation. It is so much wiser to take some time to analyze and breakdown the issues. You might need some people who you can share with confidentially and get their point of view in order to avoid jumping to your own conclusions and assume that you are 100% absolutely right about it. But do not neglect your instinct too!

The question of what’s wrong with me? is not always a negative. It can be a sign that you have begun to realize something within yourself and understand that you need to stop for a moment, take a deep breath, and refresh your mind, body, and soul.

Your busy life and tight schedule cannot be avoided most of the time. You might forget that your health, family, partner, and you are important too. This is where conflict can start. But more often we experience personal inner conflict within ourselves. Simply put, inner conflict is when you’re battling with yourself. These are frequent daily inner contradictions that we all experience, whether or not we are conscious of them.

“Internal conflicts are generally a result of a dilemma happening in your life and can be something very simple or very complex in nature. For example, if you just got your paycheck and had a lot of bills to pay, you might be conflicted between the ideas of going shopping at the mall instead of paying your bills”. – Study.com

The most challenging aspect of resolving inner conflict: It’s common to be consciously aware of only one side of an inner conflict and still experience the full effect and symptoms.

How is this possible?

Research shows most of our decision-making activity is unconscious. People make up to 10,000 decisions daily, becoming consciously aware of decisions only moments after they are made. Deeper processes involving unconscious factors (needs and beliefs among them) rule decision-making, according to research.

How do you identify conflict within yourself?

Internal conflict almost always manifests itself by engaging in or even initiating external conflict. You may find yourself having silly arguments or heated conversations about things that are unimportant. That’s your cue to heighten your self-awareness and stop ignoring that voice inside your head.

Above everything else, guard your heart, because from it flows the springs of life.

Brain vs Heart

The brain/mind is what creates emotions and thoughts. The heart merely supplies blood to the brain and the rest of the body. We also know that the brain guides the functioning of every other organ, including the heart. But the heart keeps the brain alive using the blood. Let’s find out the difference between Brain and Heart:

1. Brain activity predicts decisions before they are consciously made.

“We think our decisions are conscious, but data shows that consciousness is just the tip of the iceberg,’’ says John-Dylan Haynes, a neuroscientist at the Max Planck Institute for Human Cognitive and Brain Sciences in Leipzig, Germany, who led the study.

“The results are quite dramatic,’’ says Frank Tong, a neuroscientist at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, Tennessee. Ten seconds is a lifetime in terms of brain activity, he adds.

2. The heart is considered as the seat of life or strength. Hence, it means mind, body, soul and spirit or one’s entire emotional nature and understanding.

The heart is the most powerful generator of electromagnetic energy in the human body, producing the largest rhythmic electromagnetic field of any of the body’s organs. The heart’s electrical field is about 60 times greater in amplitude than the electrical activity generated by the brain. - Thriveglobal.com

The heart can beat on its own. The heart does not need a brain, or a body for that matter, to keep beating. The heart has its own electrical system that causes it to beat and pump blood. Because of this, the heart can continue to beat for a short time after brain death, or after being removed from the body.

If your heart and mind are in conflict, how?

When your heart and mind are in conflict, try fostering a conversation between the wise brain and the deep heart. You can do this by visualizing it, writing or speaking a dialogue, even writing with both hands, using the dominant hand to write the mind's voice and your non-dominant hand to speak for your heart. Let it flow and overflow!

Emotions accompany us as human beings everyday but still, to become aware of them, to understand and name them, and finally to regulate or manage them- - it is a challenge for most of us.

When asked how we feel, we usually answer: OK, great, good, not good. Sometimes: happy, sad, unhappy, angry, frustrated.

Actually, there are many more ways to name the emotions, but to use them, firstly we need to be able to understand what is actually happening inside of us. A good thing is that we can all learn this and how to manage our emotions.

Each time we ask, “What is wrong with me?’’ we impose judgment on ourselves.

Instead of believing we have a right to feel troubled, or grapple with a challenge, we conclude there’s something wrong with us.

Hardening the heart occurs when we are presented with the truth and we refuse to accept and acknowledge it.

We declare ourselves broken, often beyond repair.

But that couldn’t be further from the truth!

There is nothing inherently wrong with you or me. There are just challenges to overcome, self-timing beliefs to replace with empowering ones, and dreams to be realized.

You get to decide who you are and even without knowing you, I know you are far more than someone who has something wrong or right with them.

You are beautifully unique and you have a world of opportunity before you.

So give yourself the compassion you deserve. Be kind to yourself and know good things will come your way (and already have).

But here’s the good news: perfection isn’t required. Qualities like drive, courage and passion will get you where you want to go. So instead of striving for perfection, strive to become the best version of yourself.

And while you strive, cultivate appreciation for everything you are now. You can love both who you are and who you’re becoming at the same time!

Not everything you see on social media is real and true.

Social media feeds are often highlight reels of others' lives. You see what others want you to see and the tough moments in others' lives are often left out.

So when you go through life difficulties, you wonder “What’s wrong with me? Why does it look like no one else is going through what I’m going through?”

But here’s the reality we often don’t see: everyone struggles.

Struggles can be just as inspiring as the highlight reels. They can make us strong, determined and courageous. They can even unite us.

What if I make a mistake?

Making a mistake doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

It’s completely normal and expected to make mistakes. There are so many factors to consider when making a life choice, and things don’t always turn out as expected. You might even make a choice that feels right in one moment, and wrong in another. In any case, the best thing you can do after making a mistake is to reflect on what happened.

We make mistakes, we forgive and move on.

We can’t change our past and we can’t take back our mistake. But we can seek forgiveness from both others and ourselves.

Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

It starts with you…

Every action, decision, and thought that you have is counted. Other people will only judge, observe, and be impressed by it. But at the end of the day, you are the one who knows exactly who you are, what you want, what you need, and how you face every situation in your life.

Take some time to care for yourself in order to handle your emotional and mental clarity. Even if you can devote only 5 to 15 minutes a few times a day to relax, take a break from reality, such as:

ü Read a book.

ü Download and listen to a “calm” app (sounds of nature, rain) on your computer or phone.

ü Take a walk. Practice yoga.

ü Listen to music, sing along to a song or dance.

ü Enjoy a soothing bath.

ü Sit in silence with your eyes closed.

ü Light a scented candle.

Practice OQP

When you know your personal strengths and weakness, you will be able to stand firmly on your own two feet. Do not let others' opinion put you down and make you feel unworthy. Feed your mind, body and soul with positive things and practice OQP (Only Quality People) who will be spending your precious time and adding values in your life. Your energy, time and wellbeing do not deserve to be wasted and taken for granted. Always guide your heart!

You deserve peace

That means accepting our flaws, mistakes, regrets and tougher experiences.

It also means accepting the beauty, strength, positive qualities and opportunities that exist within us.

We all have things we’re working on. We’ve all made mistakes. We all have doubts, fear, and insecurities.

If you have your health, that’s something to be grateful for. If you have love in your life, that’s a blessing. If you have hopes and dreams, that’s an opportunity.

There is so much to love about life and there is so much to love about you.

Embrace it and know this: everything is going to be all right.

Admit that something has to change

Sometimes when you ask what is wrong with me, it’s time to admit that something has to change. Most people make these elaborate plans to change everything about themselves and then fall short. But something to realize is that even if you only change one aspect of yourself, other aspects of your life will naturally change alongside it. Think about the one behavior that needs the biggest change.

Maybe you cheated in a relationship and realize you need to be kinder to people. So you decide to make a more mindful effort to do acts of kindness to everyone you meet and date. Or maybe you realize that when your mental health isn’t going well, you destroy the lives of those around you. So, you decide to make your priority improving your mental health by seeing a psychotherapist, exercising to release negative emotions and reading positive and motivational books to improve your mindset.

Do not be discouraged

The important thing to remember is not to be discouraged by your flaws or weaknesses. Instead, be excited and grateful that you can change and mould yourself anyway you want. People constantly change. By creating a way to learn new skills, traits or interests you’ll naturally start improving yourself. While you might be asking what is wrong with me today, a few years from now you’ll be grateful at what that question led you to become and as long as you’re better than the person you were yesterday that’s all that matters in life.

The power of gratitude

Gratitude helps us live in the present because it opens our eyes to the simple beauty of ordinary days. It lets us see this day and this moment as gifts and to take in the abundance right now.

Thank yourself

Hey you, you deserve more than a tap on your shoulder for being so brave, bold, smart, strong and wise enough to take all challenges, struggles and pain. That has never been easy but you came through it all. So thank yourself!

You can literally feel your energy being drained when you’re around people you shouldn’t be around.

You and I, we cannot decide who we will meet and what will happen to us somewhere along this journey. But sooner or later we will know that, whether it is for a blessing or a lesson.

We thank GOD for the gift of life and for giving us strength to keep going and face another day. Not to be missed and not to be forgotten, our life story has an impact in our life, not just for the past, it is for the present and future too.