Oct 7, 20214 min read

The Happiness Trap

by Tejal Kutarekar

About Tejal

Hey There! This is Tejal Kutarekar. I am a Certified Life Coach and Entrepreneur by profession. Writing is something that is therapeutic for me. I love spreading self-awareness about emotional and mental health with the help of writing, composing poems. I am pleased to bring out my inner passion of guiding through writing with the help of Empath to Empath platform. See you all soon with my content there.

The Happiness Trap

"Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience" - Mark Manson

We all crave happiness and we all want to be happy. In this article, I would love to talk about some myths that are related to our attempt in the pursuit of happiness. I decided to pen down what I wanted to convey in a crisp manner so I will not take more than 7-10 minutes from you.

So, Stick around! Moreover, I will quote down beautiful lines that are being written by a well-known author Mark Manson that would be absolutely complementary to my content. I am sure that this article will be a tiny treasure of those words that you are supposed to know while deciding your own definition of happiness.

Let's bust happiness myths now, Myth 1. Having all your dreams, desires, expectations meet. Myth 2. Having a big achievement in your kart. Myth 3. Always feeling happy, satisfied, content in life. Myth 4. Feeling pleasure all the time. Myth 5. Never feeling negative emotions. Myth 6. Never feeling lonely, wander, and lost in life. Myth 7. Life should be perfect on all sides. Myth 8. You need to be a perfect person. (a perfect mom, dad, wife, husband, son, daughter.) Myth 9. You need to be a people-pleaser to be in someone's good book. Myth 10. You need to overcommit. (to be a multitasker). Myth 11. You shall never fail or be rejected in life. Myth 12. Life should be free from obstacles, issues or problems. Myth 13. You should not own any weakness. Myth 14. You must delete, forget bad memories of the past. Last but not least, Myth 15. There is a uniform prescription for all when it comes to being happy. In short, one size fits all.

Now think, do we really need to qualify for all these?

Now, let's recap quickly how we can change our perspective for the motive of being happy. Myth 1. Having all your dreams, desires, expectations meet. Celebrate simple milestones in life that you are blessed with.

Myth 2. Having a big achievement in your kart. You simply need small acts of affection, concern and kindness. Yes, this is a real achievement. Myth 3. Always feeling happy, satisfied, content in life. It is okay not to be okay.

Myth 4. Feeling pleasure all the time. Suppressing unwanted feelings will have a rebounding effect. Therefore, acknowledge them and move on. Myth 5. Never feeling negative emotions. All emotions are equally important. Embrace them. Myth 6. Never feeling lonely, wander, and lost in life. We all feel lonely but we are never alone. Myth 7. Life should be perfect on all sides. There is no such thing in the world that is perfect. Myth 8. You need to be a perfect person. (a perfect mom, dad, wife, husband, son, daughter...) We all are perfect with our imperfections. Myth 9. You need to be a people-pleaser to be in someone's good book. If you can't understand people, it is okay but if you can't understand yourself, that's the concerning area. Myth 10. You need to overcommit. (to be a multitasker) One task at a time increases your productivity and results. Myth 11. You shall never fail or be rejected in life. Only bad times teach you to value your good times. Myth 12. Life should be free from obstacles, issue or problems. This makes you stronger and wiser than you were before. Myth 13. You should not own any weakness. Work on your weaknesses to turn them into your core strengths. Myth 14. You must delete, forget bad memories of the past. You just need to accept them with absolute forgiveness. Myth 15. There is a uniform prescription for all when it comes to being happy. In short, one size fits all. The definition of happiness is subjective.

Now it's time for few captivating lines which speak louder than just words written by the author Mark Manson. “The desire for a more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience. This is a total mind-fuck.

So I’ll give you a minute to unpretzel your brain and maybe read that again: Wanting a positive experience is a negative experience; accepting negative experience is a positive experience.

It’s what the philosopher Alan Watts used to refer to as “the backwards law”—the idea that the more you pursue feeling better all the time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you lack it in the first place. The more you desperately want to be rich, the more poor and unworthy you feel, regardless of how much money you actually make.

The more you desperately want to be sexy and desired, the uglier you come to see yourself, regardless of your actual physical appearance. The more you desperately want to be happy and loved, the lonelier and more afraid you become, regardless of those who surround you. The more you want to be spiritually enlightened, the more self-centred and shallow you become in trying to get there.” - Mark Manson

These are thought-provoking words that will push you to think over what you really need in life than what you want because sometimes what you want is not what you need. With this little homework for you, I would like to close. See you next time...

Tejal Kutarekar