Do you ever feel like you have everyone and anyone coming to you with their problems? Looking for advice, to rant about their relationship or just to complain about work? I do, I always have and I have never really understood why. Friends used to say to me "why does everyone come to you?" My response would always be "I just have that face I guess". For years I have had multiple people at a time come to me with their problems and I have always been that shoulder to cry on. I've had times when I have abandoned family time and ran out to tend to friends in need and at times I have felt their emotional pain. I have never understood why. Until now.
Through lockdown, I have noticed that I have felt less anxious. The world was asked to quarantine, stay away from friends and family to protect each other from this devastating virus COVID19. This was a breakthrough for me. Suddenly I was furloughed, homeschooling the children, locked in a bubble with my immediate family and I had no choice but to stay away from other people. I struggled the first two weeks, the vivid nightmares were intense and it was a major adjustment being stuck home with two kids who were bored and restless.
I have always been a reader, I love books and have a queue of about 40 to read, mainly novels. I started to read books on spirituality after some years practising yoga. These books highlighted how life and society can make you forget the important things in life. Friends, family, love and laughter. I researched spirituality via social media and had a realisation that explained my feelings of anxiety. That I had empath traits. I had no idea what this was, so I discussed it with a spiritual friend and she sent some literature which confirmed it was a high possibility. This turned my life around, understanding why I sometimes feel tense and bothered by other peoples' 'stuff'.
I have discovered a new me, (well to be accurate I have discovered the real me). I never thought that I was creative, and yet I have transformed the garden. The joy from growing vegetables and plants is amazing. I started to learn Japanese, just because I had the time. My home was decorated and feels so fresh and new. I discovered that deep in my soul I am a happy person. I am not 'feisty' or 'aggressive', which I am so often labelled because I am assertive and passionate in my beliefs.
The best thing about discovering you are an empath is that now you can learn how to channel your energies and understand why sometimes you feel off centre. You can see clearly where the issues are in your life and start to look at your true friendships and what they bring. Do people just use you as an emotional punchbag to serve their needs? Suddenly you start to look at life differently and then you realise that although you have these traits it is time to protect your energy and maybe take a step back from certain individuals who no longer serve you.
This is an intense emotional time but the tips below will help you to align your energy and relax you. Empaths are great people. They are here on this planet to do a worthwhile rewarding role. However, you must identify if you are taking too much on. It's important to practice self love and 'apply your own mask'. This way you can be the same person but you are not absorbing negative energies you encounter.
I know now that self love is not selfish, not in the normal sense of the word. It is a must, a medicine you need to protect yourself from outside sources. You need to be at your best for those around you, as they feed off your positivity. Take a look at the tips below, and start practicing self love today.
#lockdowninspired
Tips for Empaths and self love and care.
1. The art of the word no.
This can be challenging, it’s hard not to succumb to the needs of others. Saying no sometimes is required so that you have adequate time to concentrate on your needs and tasks. Don't drop things constantly for people. This is where you must be watchful, because people can feed off your energy and drain you. Saying no is not a bad thing, you need time to keep yourself aligned.
2. Meditate
This is imperative, meditation brings you back to your centre. No one can enter your energy system here. Find time each day even if only for 5 minutes. This needs to be your time, your space, your energy cleanse. There are beautiful uplifting meditations which help, such as the heart tap, sun gazing or simple seated meditation. Sit back, close your eyes and let your thoughts come and go like clouds. Let them pass, and remain in your inner peace. Check out our meditations on Facebook and Instagram.
3. Embrace your hobbies, do what you love.
Do something you enjoy. Paint, write, walk, yoga - anything that makes you happy and you enjoy. When you are happy your body produces endorphins which is your 'happy hormone'. This will raise your energy and make you feel more positive and settled, it gives you a break from problems of life so many of us face. Ensure you have at least one hobby you enjoy that you can do alone. Give yourself as much time as you can allocate and have some time to align and cleanse your energy.
4. Water
Empaths are happy in water. Immerse yourself in this amazing element as much as possible. I have found water in particular to be extremely helpful. Run a bath with your favourite scents, candles and immerse yourself and relax. Find the beach (if you can or are lucky enough to live near one), a lake or a stream. Water is relaxing, to sit and be watchful or close your eyes and listen to the sounds. Bliss is found by or in water. For general health, ensure you have regular in-takes of water each day to keep you hydrated and comfortable. You will have a clearer energy and feel revitalised, plus it is a major health benefit.
5. Concentrate on all round health
Your wellbeing is important, and you must take the time to eat well, sleep and exercise. Being an empath can be tremendously draining so ensuring you take time to improve your health is essential. When you are healthy you feel positive and aligned. Eating healthier, sleep and exercise boosts not only your physical health but your mental health too. The best form of exercise for me is yoga, but that’s just me, yoga for me has opened so many doors and helped me to be fitter, stronger and more flexible. Cardio workouts are a great form of exercise too. Sleep is needed, because when you are rested all things are clearer, you are less irritable and grumpy. Get those zeds in to feel more positive and healthy.
6. Set boundaries This is a crucial tip. You need to keep your energy as positive as possible. This means setting boundaries. If you are that family member or friend that drops everything for just one call, or stays on the phone for hours on end and find you have started to feel drained and lethargic, then chances are you have absorbed too much outside source energy.
You must set healthy boundaries to allow time to do simple things that relax you. Leave your phone on silent or turn it off. Phones have an incredible function of do not disturb. This is my god send. My DND is set from 22:00 and is on until 09:00. This gives me ‘my time’ when I truly feel I need it. The boundaries are important - set them!
7. Negative people - be gone
Probably one of the biggest and hardest things to combat. Certainly in my experience. It is time to assess those around you. Once you step back and look at those in your life, you may find you start to see real signs of toxic people. Empaths are extremely sensitive to emotions and energies of others, so to be around negative energy will take its toll on you emotionally and physically.
The signs you need to look for come in different forms, and may not appear to be harmful, but to the empath they can be detrimental to your well being. Life is life, you cannot avoid every negative person. This would be unrealistic, but you can protect your energy with these tips.
The best way to combat the constant surge of negativity is to look at individual relationships and friendships and even acquaintances. Ask yourself, do I feel good around this person? Does this person uplift me? Is our relationship a two way street? Does this person want me to win? Would they help me if I needed them? Also ask yourself, do they only contact me when they are in need? Do they ask about my thoughts, feelings, hopes and dreams? Do I feel respected? All significant questions. And if you get a lot of ''no' back then sadly you have work to do.
I have evaluated friendships recently and have discovered that with a couple of individuals, the icing was nice but the cake was stale. I found that I drove all over town for them, rushed to their aid and listened to their incessant whining for years. It became apparent that these same people were not there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I found with one person they had nothing positive to say about me. Everything was a negative, from the nail colour I chose, to the type of car I bought, to my other friendships. Negative Nancy for sure! This caused me to be overloaded, critical of myself and downright irritable. This is not the way. Friendships and relationships should be fun, a comfortable place, but when you realise that the friendship is only one way then this becomes a drain on your soul and your alignment.
In regards to the work place, this is where you are going to meet without a doubt the most irritating people on this planet. Especially if you have come from an industry like mine, the office environment. This environment is one of the most toxic and damaging places for me personally. The tip here is....block them out. Do not let people you have not chosen to be in your life dictate your energy and disturb your inner peace. If you don't respond to someone’s energy then simply do not mix with them. Always remain professional (you have to eat right? and it is frowned upon to head-butt people in the workplace) but keep yourself to those you connect with.
If you see work as a major problem, if you have those moments when you wake up and feel nothing but dread, then I have one piece of advice..... change the job, and keep changing until you are happy. Who cares about your CV and how it looks? I can tell you as a recruiter it means nothing to me, I look at the skill and the authentic person in front of me. If you are unhealthily unhappy then work on aligning that beautiful energy the Universe/ God or whoever you believe in has given you. You have one life, please don't waste it at work, at your desk, till or wherever, imagining fly-kicking your colleagues, that alone absorbs negativity.
I have been here MANY times, had mental arguments time and time again and one thing this time away has taught me is that my energy is positive. I noticed that I reacted to or absorbed negativity from outside sources. So distance is the key here, keep your self clear of drama, don't engage in office politics, connect with those who align with your soul. This is the same in personal affairs. If the relationship is not serving you, then distance is your answer. I understand this may be a tough one, but always remember that you can create distance by turning inwards to the self. In distance you gain clarity and inner peace. This is a promise!
8. Time with nature and animals
For me, cats are my sanctuary. Not for everyone....maybe you like dogs, birds, fish etc. Watch animals, so happy, they just live, all they want is to eat, poop, sleep and not be bothered by anything. Animals are therapeutic and they too feel your energy. If you are not an animal lover then connect with nature, walks in the park, spend time in the garden, grow and nurture something. Whatever it is then immerse yourself in nature.
Take a moment and look at this big beautiful earth. You may have noticed that humans have abused it. When lockdown started did you notice the air was fresher and the sky was bluer? It was like nature and the earth took a huge breath. Take your cue from nature. Enjoy it, notice it, be in it. Once you connect with nature your energy is helped along back to its natural state, because you are also nature.
9. Read, read and more reading This was a big one for me. This is one of my favourite things to do. I love to expand the mind and learn how people do things and how different cultures live and their philosophies. Reading is not only relaxing but it’s a great way to shut off from the world. If reading isn't your thing then videos on YouTube, blogs whatever way of learning, make time for this in your life. I particularly love to read about Buddhism, Tao, philosophies and my personal favourite Zen. I found through reading these subjects that my view on my life, relationships, work everything had a different outlook. The Western world in my option is somewhat behind the great Zen masters of Japan. I read about the Eastern ways and this gave me a whole new outlook on life. Identify with what resides with you - everyone’s experience is different.
I am grateful I found these books, and have been able to work on myself and my inner peace. Don't get me wrong, I am a work-in-progress, but I will say it's the most significant thing to happen to me bar birthing my beautiful children. It has made me look at the way I handle and raise them and made me change certain behaviours that could possibly stop them reaching their inner peace. Allowing my son to paint his room orange to allow him expression. (I haven’t quite got over that one). Reading has opened so many doors for me I cannot tell you. I believe reading and educating myself has made me a more accepting person, a creative person, I laugh more, I'm not so concerned with what people think of me. It has taught me to love myself.
Once you learn to turn inwards then you will attract the right people into your life. The right energy will appear and fill you with happiness and positivity. As said, I looked at friendships and with regret distanced myself from some, but then I attracted a few beautiful souls, who are like minded, and want the same things out of life. Our life goals maybe different but ultimately we want the same things and that is inner peace.
10 . Spread the love Being an empath is an amazing gift. It is a gift that for some reason has been given to you. There is nothing wrong with being that shoulder and wanting to help people. Allow people in your circle to experience your beautiful energy, it is infectious. Let people see that the world revolves around love. However in doing so, protect yourself from the energy that comes towards you. Immerse yourself with other beautiful people and share good times. Do not feed into negativity. Align with your inner peace and your aura will exhume happiness, calmness and joy.
Its the only way to be for me now, it is my path. A path I have always been on but I had one major hurdle, in that I didn't practice self love. I listened, I was there but I didn't protect my own emotions and energy. This made me anxious and uptight. I can honestly tell you that if you turn inwards and align with you first, then those around you will feel and absorb your energy. They will want to be around you because you are positivity. Spread the love, share your energy, but ensure that you always have that time for you. Practice self love, be happy.
Self love is a must.
Namaste. 🙏 #lockdowninspired
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